A slap that echos far

The hardest to wake are those who only seem to be asleep.
Likewise, someone who is blind to their place in the lives of those around them, it is impossible to make them see how unfair their lot it. And sometimes, like the stopped heart, needing a shock to wake them up!

Thappad – another Anubhav Sinha/Tapsee Pannu collaboration has a simple, single message: One slap is one too many. And thru the run time of about 140 mins, this is the only message that is delivered.

The movie feels so familiar. Many scenes are commonplace in homes around India and indeed the world. The early morning alarm waking up the woman of the house, celebration of the man’s work and everyone’s focus on making HIS life easy.

Amrita, the wife is one of million’s of women, who revel in the success their husband enjoys. Vikram, the husband, is indulgent, gently teasing, sure of himself and his worth tied firmly to his success at work. The casual sexist comments, his almost patronising manner toward his wife- it is so real, I almost thought I’d heard it all before- And to be honest I certainly have. Back then and even now.

The build-up to the slap is slow. We see the small, happy family; in a posh Delhi neighbourhood. The exquisite house, the flashy car, trappings of uppermiddle class wealth. Amrita’s life is content, her love and indulgence for her husband quite clear and her duty and love for his mother as well, comes thru.

Vikram does a pitch for a plum overseas posting, his wife and the rest of the family think its in the bag. Vikram is promised the role and then as he celebrates the promotion, he finds out he will need to report into someone else. Vikram loses it. He starts arguing with a senior colleague and as Amrita tried to drag him away, not wanting him to cause a scene- he turns around and slaps her.
The slap resonates.

What follows is the slow burn of betrayal, loss of self-esteem and self-worth. Many people see the slap, not one speaks up to ask Vikram “what the hell have you done?”. No one comes to Amrita to ask, are you okay? Everyone there, just un-sees it.
Within minutes, the mother in law says, better come out- there are still guests in the house. And the next morning, Vikram has already chalked this one up to his being drunk and feeling cheated of his promotion.

Amrita introspects and decides that she cannot live with herself if she does not take a stand and leaves the marital home to go to her parents- we are not sure if she is going to make this permanent or it is a time-out.

Enter male ego, social pressures and the casualisation of entitlement- the work colleague thinks its justified, the mother in law thinks that women have to be forebearing and the mother thinks that family should be kept together no matter what and Amrita herself is not sure what she wants. She is introduced to a lawyer, who also asks – just one slap?

Vikram, advised by his friend and brother, decide to do that most north Indian thing “legal notice thok denge” and pulls out the archaic section 9 of the Hindu Marriage act- Restitution of Conjugal Rights, forcing Amrita to come back.
Amrita sends across a petition to dissolve the marriage.

Throughout this legal back and forth, Amrita continues to engage with Vikram’s mother and somehow expects things to be cordial with Vikram. She also finds out she is pregnant and this makes Vikram want to settle, but keep full custody.

The final turning point is a prayer meeting for the unborn child, which Amrita gracefully attends and then sits at her mother in law’s feet and pours out her pent up feelings.

The movie finishes with us seeing that she gets her divorce and a settlement and is going it alone.

Thappad gives us a deep insight into the casual male entitlement and society’s acceptance of their consequence free behaviour. Vikram does not feel he was wrong, but justified in taking out his anger and frustration on Amrita, his mother, her mother, her brother – no one thinks it is wrong. Vikram never feels the need to apologise.
The lawyer for all her fight against family violence, lives with another entittled a/h. The only honest person in the movie is the maid, who is abused and knows and accepts it- her scenes were freaky- our maids at home would come with these accounts every second week!!

Tapsee Pannu and Pavail Gulati as the Amrita and Vikram are fantastic, except I thought TP’s shell-shocked look went on for too long in the movie.
Ratna Pathak and Tanvi Azmi, were amazing and Kumud Misra as Amrita’s father dependable.
Gitika Vidya as the maid- mindblowing!!!
Dia Mirza in the neighbour’s role- very nice.

I felt the movie could have done without the brother’s side story, or the lawyers’ toyboy and some more crisper editing of the office scenes.
Both the lawyers were ok, not great.

One of the things I liked about the film was that it did not make Vikram unlikeable – he was just an average, everyday entitled son- who had never been told he too could be disappointed in life. This was so important- because almost always, women are asked to put up with controlling, abusive and entitled men – because they are otherwise nice and vicefree.
Being otherwise nice is not enough- it never was and it should never be!

An opportunity lost was highlighting the non- financial contribution made by homemakers to the marriage and also the bizzarness of Section 9, which is used as a threat against women fleeing emotional violence in India. Both of these were fleetingly mentioned but never unpacked.

But the movie finally spoke to an important point which was good.
My daughter who watched the film with me, said it was still a male gaze, which on reflection is true- it came from a very male point of view.

My favorite part of the movie- when Amrita’s mom, tells Kumud Misra- you too were happy for me to sacrifice my dreams, because it helped you….you just did not want to see it, you never asked me if wanted to follow my passion, you accepted it when I did not ask to….
This was the line that touched me the most, because I and many other women, are often at the recieving end of this silence of relief.