Category Archives: From the heart…

Look me in the eye….

Look me in the eye…..tell me I matter
Look me in the eye…..tell me you feel
Look me in the eye…..and don’t look away

I have seen them all, eyes that laugh, eyes that smile, eyes that light up, eyes that speak and eyes that keep it quiet.

I have seen them all, eyes that hold back the pain, eyes that hide the fear, eyes that cry….without a tear falling out.¬†Eyes that look up and hope someone else sees the truth.

Not one, not two but nearly all of us would have seen the distress in the eyes of another and looked away. Sometimes it is because we don’t know what to say, how to ask if they need help or even what to do if they come out and ask for help. We are conditioned from a young age, not to interfere with other people’s issues or get involved. This is the only way we can explain how so many young people have suffered years of abuse and how so many women have endured years of physical and emotional trauma at the hands of their partners. Surely someone would have noticed?

So many people I have worked with over the years have said that they hoped someone would see their distress and offer to help- simply because they did not have the courage to ASK for support. But for many no such support was forthcoming.

Those who came out of violent relationships early, often say it is because a third party came forward and helped them “see” what was really happening and helped them come out.

If you see something in the eyes of another person that doesn’t look right, just ask “are you okay” and then, when they say yes…..ask “are you REALLY okay”

It could mean the difference between life and death for someone….literally.

 

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When do you stand up?

That sharp knife, to cut ties
The hot iron, to cauterise a bleed
The toxic antidote, to counter the poison
The irreversible action, to stand up for a value

When do you stand up?

Every single day, something happens that doesn’t quite sit right with you, a snide remark, a look, a small act….nothing big mind you, just small niggling things. It is easy to overlook, easy to explain away and even easier to shrug shoulders and carry on doing your work. If you do what is right, it is not really your place to interfere with what others do, unless they are doing something REALLY SERIOUSLY wrong….but little things? Those are fine.

But, when do you stand up?

Is it when someone puts another person down, in an affectionate way? When someone asks you to do mend fences, when you were not the one to break them in the first place? When someone laughs about another person’s misfortune? When they help, but exact a steep price?
So easy not to take drastic action, when the offence seems so trivial, so minimal and doesn’t even concern you directly……

But, when do you stand up?

Is it when someone glosses over your feelings, putting them down? When they say its not as bad as you think it is? When you do something that you don’t want to, but do it anyway to keep the peace?
When you can’t name it, but it feels off? When the words say you matter but the eyes and actions don’t? When every day you steel yourself in the morning and heave a sigh of relief when its not been an awful day?

It is hard to take a stand, harder to follow through
It is difficult to voice dissent
It is painful to say something
It cuts to leave, when you can no longer stay…..

But…..its liberating to find your voice
Its liberating to look someone in the eye
Its liberating to no longer pretend to agree or not care or not mind
Its liberating to look in the mirror and not look away

It’s time to reach
Reach within to find the strength
Find the strength to look them in the eye
Look them in the eye and tell them the truth
Tell them the truth and then….
Walk away if they don’t see
Walk away if they don’t hear
Walk away and then be free….